Pee Peee...All Aboard the Potty Train!

It's been a long time coming.

Mind you, when it came to potty training, I took a rather relaxed attitude. I figured when she was ready, she'd go. I don't know when or why, but this week, the light switch flipped. We're 4 days in & have had only 2 accidents, one of which may have been the work of a leaky sippy cup, but that has yet to be determined. When she was about 21 months old, our daughter, Macy, started showing signs of being ready for potty training; she'd pull her pants down, take off her diaper and pee...on the floor. Excited that our monthly allotment of "diaper" dollars could actually be redirected to other things, we high-tailed it over to Target and bought her a potty chair. I got a pack of Dum Dum lollipops and told her that every time she peed or pooped, she could have a "potty pop."

Our enthusiasm waned quickly when Macy wanted nothing to do with it. It sat there in our bathroom for months, opposite our "grown-up"potty, with not so much as one touch of a little tush. Actually, I take that back. There WERE little tushes that sat on it...Tickle Me Elmo kept the seat warm for at least 2 weeks. Then, there was "Mingo," the zoo souvenir pink flamingo stuffed animal who kept watch for us. I think I once spied Raggedy Ann, too.

Then came the "Mommy, I have to go potty" (at the most inopportune time) phase. Oh yes, as a mom, after you hear those 6 words uttered from the mouth of your babe, you quickly learn where to find every public toilet within a 30 second radius from wherever you may be at the time because those words are not uttered when one is at home. Those 6 words came at me from the backseat on the highway while I was driving in a thunderstorm and had to turn down the radio so I could concentrate on making sure I didn't hydroplane into a tree. They were also yelled at me from the stroller in the middle of my StrollerFit(www.strollerfit.com) class where I was clear across the park from the port-a-potties. That time, I told her to just let it go into her diaper; I knew we'd never make it. The bad think is that it became a bit of a game. I'd hear those 6 words and go scampering around like the Marx brothers to find a potty, get her "commandoed" and on the seat only for her to look at me and say, "Mommy, I aw dun." WHAT? Surely, you're joking, right? Nope. Most recently, however, Macy, the human 3 yr. old, began joining my husband & I whenever we used our potty. She would sit on it and have us read story after story, but still, it didn't happen. More time passed. Then, last weekend, lightning struck. It was Saturday morning and I didn't really have any huge plans. I was looking forward to kind of a kick back type of day where I could take things as they came to me. Then, I had an idea. I went upstairs and retrieved the potty chair we purchased over a year before and a pair of the Elmo panties that Macy had picked out at the store one day ( the result of a failed incentive). I placed the potty on the floor near our sofa where Macy would have clear easy access. I put "Charlotte's Web" into the DVD player and let Macy lounge around. Oh... I almost forgot the most important element...she had decided she no longer wanted to wear her PJs and diaper, so she took them off. Knowing that if she did pee on the carpet, it wasn't the end of the world because I needed to call Stanley Steemer out anyway, I decided to proceed with my experiment. Out of nowhere, she came into the laundry room where I was folding clothes and said, "Mommy, I pooped in the potty! Come see!" Sure enough, there it was. "Mommy, can I flush it by myself?" she asks. "Sure," I say. "Show me what comes next." She executes the steps in perfect order. She's exploding with excitement and is clearly proud of herself. "Mommy, I have to go potty again," she says. She sits down and Wa-Lah...she pees. This goes on for the entire weekend. I did not have to prompt her, I didn't have to remind her, nor did I have to change any dirty diapers! I did, however, bestow upon her that pair of Elmo undies. She looked at me like I had just given her a bowl of ice cream for breakfast and started jumping up & down, clapping and laughing. "Thanks, Mom! I'll take good cawe Elmo!"

I have several childhood friends that I considered my "life-long" friends, at least until recently. It seems that our lives are just in completely different places right now. These friends aren't people I speak to often, nor are they people that I see. It's been a tough storm to weather because I never thought I'd be thinking of them as anything other than my "go-to girls."

This realization became even clearer to me after I talked to one of them recently. When I hung up the phone, I was exhausted. It seems that every time we speak, the conversation is very one-sided and about her. I don’t remember the last time she asked me what was happening in my life and worse yet, I don’t remember the last time she expresesd the slightest bit of interest in what was happening in my life. Since we live in different parts of the country, we don’t see one another very often and until recently, I’ve chalked it up to the fact that we do live far from one another. It’s not unusual for me to get a call from her when she’s in the midst of a crisis. Acutally, that is pretty much the only time I hear from her. It’s gotten to a point where I just tune her out and say an occasional “uh-huh” or “really?”

I know it’s normal for friendships to grow and change as we get older or as we are going through different phases in our lives. I suspect that is what has happened with us. But, something about our friendship these days is irreversibly different and I am saddened by that because in a way, it’s the end of a chapter. I sense that this difference is the result of my having undergone some personal growth & change, while she's remained herself. I’ve been going through a metamorphosis of sorts and I’m beginning to realize that I’m a completely different person than I was three years ago, when I started my StrollerFit business. The best part? For the first time in my life, I can say that I like who I am and who I’ve become. I'm more confident, out-going, receptive to new things and, in general, feel comfortable in my skin.

I think right now I’m coming to terms with the fact that perhaps she’s not my best friend anymore and that it’s OK not to have a “best” friend all the time. What scares me is that she’s always been my “go-to” person; you know, the person you wouldn’t hesitate to call at 4am in an emergency. Without her, I don’t know if I have that with my other friends. I am sure it’s there, I’ve just never tested it.

This has been weighing heavily on my mind lately and while I was out doing some errands, my mind started wandering. I was thinking about all the women I’ve met through StrollerFit. Some take classes and some don’t. Some are younger than I am and a few are older. Some have one child, some have two or more. Lastly, and perhaps, most importantly, I’ve concluded is that it’s these moms who are my friends. I were really in a clutch, I know I could call one or two of them at 4am and they’d be there.

I’m reaching a point in my life where my inner circle of friends is dwindling a bit. While scary, it’s also reaffirming. It's forcing me to take a long, hard look at the friendships I have and take inventory. Hard as it is to let go of some of these people, whether it's for a month, 6 months, a year or forever, I'm coming to terms with the fact that each and every one of them brought something to my life that I wouldn't have had otherwise. I'm realizing it's OK to let go and it's also OK to move on.

Yesterday was the beginning of a New Year for me. I was raised Jewish, but I don't really practice; I'm more what I jokingly call a "Jew of convenience." So, if & when it suits me, I play along. The rest of the time, well, not so much. Case & point...my parents wanted me to attend services with them and I declined. I had too much going on; a 1/2 marathon in the morning and a birthday party to attend for one my daughter's friends in the afternoon. Attending services isn't my idea of a good time, and so, it wasn't convenient.

So, I get myself to the race and get a good start. I find myself running with a small group of gals who are the pace leaders for the 11 min. milers (me). We chat for a while. At mile 6, I have to pee so bad, I know if I take one more stride the flood gates will open, so I excuse myself hoping that I'll be able to sprint fast enough to catch up to them afterwards, but I know in my heart that it isn't likely to happen. Finished with nature's call, I resume my run and at mile 8, start to have some knee problems. I decide to slow down & walk for a while. This also gives me some time to start thinking about things in my life. There's a line in the movie, "The Mirror Has Two Faces" that says "its a dangerous thing to leave a woman alone with her thoughts." I must admit, there's alot of truth there. My mind wanders from subject to subject while I walk and intermittently try to run the last 5 miles of this race.

I've been in a pretty dark place for a while now, and I think I realized that much of this is due to my placing so much energy into my business. I absolutely LOVE teaching my classes but I have discovered that I probably hold alot of the moms in my group to my level of expectation. I'm pretty sensitive and my feelings get hurt very easily. That is where the problem lies...I'm disappointed and hurt almost all of the time. I harbor this disappointment and then I begin to feel resentful and angry. I wouldn't dare single out someone and tell them that my feelings were hurt by what they said, did, etc. Especially because most of it is so petty. I'm the instructor...I can't show how I really feel! It should make me happy to hear that a few moms got together outside of class on their own to do something, but instead, I feel like I've been excluded, and then my thoughts drift into the "what did I do wrong" and "why don't they like me" genre. I swear, I feel like I'm the nerdy kid at school trying to fit in with the "cool" kids.

If they don't attend class, I also take it personally. I mean, why wouldn't they come for a week? Was the last class too easy or too hard? Did I say or do something to offend or upset someone?
To them, not attending class is not personal. But, to me, it is. You see, it's personal because that's what this business is to me. It's about forming relationships with other moms. It's about helping them help themselves get healthier, get fit, and realize their full potential. The problem is that things change. The kids are getting older, the moms are getting busier and they're starting to leave the group. This frightens me. The thought of not having that social network in my life scares me to death. I got into this business so I wouldn't feel so alone and now, I'm 3+ years into it and I've built a good following and I still feel alone, yet for different reasons.

At mile 12, I have an epiphany. I've decided in this New Year (again, it's convenient) that I need to let go of what I cannot control. I need to remind myself that nothing these moms do insofar as class attendance, doing stuff together outside of class, etc. has anything to do with me (thank you, Don Miguel Ruiz, author of "The Four Agreements."). It is about them.

Perhaps I need to start doing things so I can remain true to myself. I think I've spent so much time & energy focusing on what I think this group should be and what I think this group wants, that I've lost sight of what it is I want the group to be and what it is I want out of things. As I cross the finish, I have to fight back tears; my legs are tired & sore; my heart feels heavy, but I'm still standing. This is my first moment of the new year. I want to make it the best it can be--for me.