Christmas Eve 2009 went as well as could be expected given the fact that I'm Jewish(well, in theory, anyway) and celebrate Christmas for two reasons: 1) I'm married to a Catholic of convenience, meaning he's Catholic when it counts, and 2) together we have a 4 yr. old daughter who, like every other child with parents of different religions, believes that Santa and the reindeer are as much a part of winter as menorahs and latkes. OK, I admit it. It's too overwhelming to decide on just one set of traditions, so we're taking the easy way out and exposing her to the fun parts of both religions.
My poor husband has been sick since Wednesday with what I'm guessing is H1N1. Because he's the kind of guy who can't just stay in bed and sleep when he's sick, he meanders around the house which forces me to follow him armed with a can of Lysol, so I can spray everything he touches. Mind you, he is the only one in our family who received the vaccination(thank you, Air Nat'l Guard regulations)! I'm a firm non-believer in flu shots for this very reason...flu shots do not guarantee you will not get the flu. In fact, it's quite the contrary. I believe if you get a flu shot, it's a safe bet that you will get the flu. He has proclaimed that this is "the worst Christmas ever." Poor guy. I have to give him credit...he's being a real trooper.
We spent Christmas Eve Day doing last minute preparations with Macy: baking Santa chocolate chip cookies, writing a note to Santa to remind him of what Macy asked him for at the mall when I took her there, just in case he and his elves forget her request. Last night, we honored a family tradition of donning brand new PJs and slippers before we headed out to the front yard and began a new tradition....the sprinkling of "reindeer food" on the front lawn. Mind you, we got 8 inches of snow two days ago, so rather than sprinkle the food around the lawn, Macy dumped the baggie of oats and blue glitter in one spot. This actually made it easier for us to go back outside at 1am with the hand held Dyson to "eat" the food, so she'd think Rudolph really came over. This reminds me that I once saw these things that look like branding irons; you can use then to poke reindeer footprints in the snow. I should look for those so we can add to the effect next year.
Anyway, after we got Macy to sleep, Jace & I ventured to the basement to begin our "elf" work for the night. We had a new bike and an art easel to assemble. Of course, we didn't start doing any assembly until well after 10pm, so it was god knows what time when we finally collapsed into bed out of sheer exhaustion. Macy woke up at 2:30am and came running into our room, crying. "Daddy," she sobbed, "I had a bad dream. Santa was here, though. He put a bike by the tree." Jace redirected her back to her bed and we didn't see or hear from her again until 7:30 this morning, the absolute highlight of the day.
All in all, I'd say we were successful in our efforts to produce the illusion that Santa did come to our house. Santa left Macy a note on her new dry erase board easel thanking her for the cookies, milk and reindeer food. She immediately ran outside to see if the food was gone and marveled at the fact that it was(for the most part). She then came back into the house and made a beeline to the plate of cookies we'd left. She was delighted to see that not only had Santa eaten the cookies and left crumbs, but there was one cookie left on the plate that she was sure he'd left for her!
I have no idea where the day has gone. I wish I could say it's because we've been busy all day running from one realtive's house to another but it's almost been too quiet around here. Very few relatives called to wish Jace a Merry Christmas and because he's not feeling well, we didn't venture out to the movies or go for a drive tonight to look at lighting displays around the neighborhood like we normally would. Looking back on it, most of the holidays spent with extended family tend to be remembered as a blur. I think this year's biggest gift is the fact that it is one Christmas we will always remember clearly.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Pee Peee...All Aboard the Potty Train!
It's been a long time coming.
Mind you, when it came to potty training, I took a rather relaxed attitude. I figured when she was ready, she'd go. I don't know when or why, but this week, the light switch flipped. We're 4 days in & have had only 2 accidents, one of which may have been the work of a leaky sippy cup, but that has yet to be determined. When she was about 21 months old, our daughter, Macy, started showing signs of being ready for potty training; she'd pull her pants down, take off her diaper and pee...on the floor. Excited that our monthly allotment of "diaper" dollars could actually be redirected to other things, we high-tailed it over to Target and bought her a potty chair. I got a pack of Dum Dum lollipops and told her that every time she peed or pooped, she could have a "potty pop."
Our enthusiasm waned quickly when Macy wanted nothing to do with it. It sat there in our bathroom for months, opposite our "grown-up"potty, with not so much as one touch of a little tush. Actually, I take that back. There WERE little tushes that sat on it...Tickle Me Elmo kept the seat warm for at least 2 weeks. Then, there was "Mingo," the zoo souvenir pink flamingo stuffed animal who kept watch for us. I think I once spied Raggedy Ann, too.
Then came the "Mommy, I have to go potty" (at the most inopportune time) phase. Oh yes, as a mom, after you hear those 6 words uttered from the mouth of your babe, you quickly learn where to find every public toilet within a 30 second radius from wherever you may be at the time because those words are not uttered when one is at home. Those 6 words came at me from the backseat on the highway while I was driving in a thunderstorm and had to turn down the radio so I could concentrate on making sure I didn't hydroplane into a tree. They were also yelled at me from the stroller in the middle of my StrollerFit(www.strollerfit.com) class where I was clear across the park from the port-a-potties. That time, I told her to just let it go into her diaper; I knew we'd never make it. The bad think is that it became a bit of a game. I'd hear those 6 words and go scampering around like the Marx brothers to find a potty, get her "commandoed" and on the seat only for her to look at me and say, "Mommy, I aw dun." WHAT? Surely, you're joking, right? Nope. Most recently, however, Macy, the human 3 yr. old, began joining my husband & I whenever we used our potty. She would sit on it and have us read story after story, but still, it didn't happen. More time passed. Then, last weekend, lightning struck. It was Saturday morning and I didn't really have any huge plans. I was looking forward to kind of a kick back type of day where I could take things as they came to me. Then, I had an idea. I went upstairs and retrieved the potty chair we purchased over a year before and a pair of the Elmo panties that Macy had picked out at the store one day ( the result of a failed incentive). I placed the potty on the floor near our sofa where Macy would have clear easy access. I put "Charlotte's Web" into the DVD player and let Macy lounge around. Oh... I almost forgot the most important element...she had decided she no longer wanted to wear her PJs and diaper, so she took them off. Knowing that if she did pee on the carpet, it wasn't the end of the world because I needed to call Stanley Steemer out anyway, I decided to proceed with my experiment. Out of nowhere, she came into the laundry room where I was folding clothes and said, "Mommy, I pooped in the potty! Come see!" Sure enough, there it was. "Mommy, can I flush it by myself?" she asks. "Sure," I say. "Show me what comes next." She executes the steps in perfect order. She's exploding with excitement and is clearly proud of herself. "Mommy, I have to go potty again," she says. She sits down and Wa-Lah...she pees. This goes on for the entire weekend. I did not have to prompt her, I didn't have to remind her, nor did I have to change any dirty diapers! I did, however, bestow upon her that pair of Elmo undies. She looked at me like I had just given her a bowl of ice cream for breakfast and started jumping up & down, clapping and laughing. "Thanks, Mom! I'll take good cawe Elmo!"
Mind you, when it came to potty training, I took a rather relaxed attitude. I figured when she was ready, she'd go. I don't know when or why, but this week, the light switch flipped. We're 4 days in & have had only 2 accidents, one of which may have been the work of a leaky sippy cup, but that has yet to be determined. When she was about 21 months old, our daughter, Macy, started showing signs of being ready for potty training; she'd pull her pants down, take off her diaper and pee...on the floor. Excited that our monthly allotment of "diaper" dollars could actually be redirected to other things, we high-tailed it over to Target and bought her a potty chair. I got a pack of Dum Dum lollipops and told her that every time she peed or pooped, she could have a "potty pop."
Our enthusiasm waned quickly when Macy wanted nothing to do with it. It sat there in our bathroom for months, opposite our "grown-up"potty, with not so much as one touch of a little tush. Actually, I take that back. There WERE little tushes that sat on it...Tickle Me Elmo kept the seat warm for at least 2 weeks. Then, there was "Mingo," the zoo souvenir pink flamingo stuffed animal who kept watch for us. I think I once spied Raggedy Ann, too.
Then came the "Mommy, I have to go potty" (at the most inopportune time) phase. Oh yes, as a mom, after you hear those 6 words uttered from the mouth of your babe, you quickly learn where to find every public toilet within a 30 second radius from wherever you may be at the time because those words are not uttered when one is at home. Those 6 words came at me from the backseat on the highway while I was driving in a thunderstorm and had to turn down the radio so I could concentrate on making sure I didn't hydroplane into a tree. They were also yelled at me from the stroller in the middle of my StrollerFit(www.strollerfit.com) class where I was clear across the park from the port-a-potties. That time, I told her to just let it go into her diaper; I knew we'd never make it. The bad think is that it became a bit of a game. I'd hear those 6 words and go scampering around like the Marx brothers to find a potty, get her "commandoed" and on the seat only for her to look at me and say, "Mommy, I aw dun." WHAT? Surely, you're joking, right? Nope. Most recently, however, Macy, the human 3 yr. old, began joining my husband & I whenever we used our potty. She would sit on it and have us read story after story, but still, it didn't happen. More time passed. Then, last weekend, lightning struck. It was Saturday morning and I didn't really have any huge plans. I was looking forward to kind of a kick back type of day where I could take things as they came to me. Then, I had an idea. I went upstairs and retrieved the potty chair we purchased over a year before and a pair of the Elmo panties that Macy had picked out at the store one day ( the result of a failed incentive). I placed the potty on the floor near our sofa where Macy would have clear easy access. I put "Charlotte's Web" into the DVD player and let Macy lounge around. Oh... I almost forgot the most important element...she had decided she no longer wanted to wear her PJs and diaper, so she took them off. Knowing that if she did pee on the carpet, it wasn't the end of the world because I needed to call Stanley Steemer out anyway, I decided to proceed with my experiment. Out of nowhere, she came into the laundry room where I was folding clothes and said, "Mommy, I pooped in the potty! Come see!" Sure enough, there it was. "Mommy, can I flush it by myself?" she asks. "Sure," I say. "Show me what comes next." She executes the steps in perfect order. She's exploding with excitement and is clearly proud of herself. "Mommy, I have to go potty again," she says. She sits down and Wa-Lah...she pees. This goes on for the entire weekend. I did not have to prompt her, I didn't have to remind her, nor did I have to change any dirty diapers! I did, however, bestow upon her that pair of Elmo undies. She looked at me like I had just given her a bowl of ice cream for breakfast and started jumping up & down, clapping and laughing. "Thanks, Mom! I'll take good cawe Elmo!"
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I have several childhood friends that I considered my "life-long" friends, at least until recently. It seems that our lives are just in completely different places right now. These friends aren't people I speak to often, nor are they people that I see. It's been a tough storm to weather because I never thought I'd be thinking of them as anything other than my "go-to girls."
This realization became even clearer to me after I talked to one of them recently. When I hung up the phone, I was exhausted. It seems that every time we speak, the conversation is very one-sided and about her. I don’t remember the last time she asked me what was happening in my life and worse yet, I don’t remember the last time she expresesd the slightest bit of interest in what was happening in my life. Since we live in different parts of the country, we don’t see one another very often and until recently, I’ve chalked it up to the fact that we do live far from one another. It’s not unusual for me to get a call from her when she’s in the midst of a crisis. Acutally, that is pretty much the only time I hear from her. It’s gotten to a point where I just tune her out and say an occasional “uh-huh” or “really?”
I know it’s normal for friendships to grow and change as we get older or as we are going through different phases in our lives. I suspect that is what has happened with us. But, something about our friendship these days is irreversibly different and I am saddened by that because in a way, it’s the end of a chapter. I sense that this difference is the result of my having undergone some personal growth & change, while she's remained herself. I’ve been going through a metamorphosis of sorts and I’m beginning to realize that I’m a completely different person than I was three years ago, when I started my StrollerFit business. The best part? For the first time in my life, I can say that I like who I am and who I’ve become. I'm more confident, out-going, receptive to new things and, in general, feel comfortable in my skin.
I think right now I’m coming to terms with the fact that perhaps she’s not my best friend anymore and that it’s OK not to have a “best” friend all the time. What scares me is that she’s always been my “go-to” person; you know, the person you wouldn’t hesitate to call at 4am in an emergency. Without her, I don’t know if I have that with my other friends. I am sure it’s there, I’ve just never tested it.
This has been weighing heavily on my mind lately and while I was out doing some errands, my mind started wandering. I was thinking about all the women I’ve met through StrollerFit. Some take classes and some don’t. Some are younger than I am and a few are older. Some have one child, some have two or more. Lastly, and perhaps, most importantly, I’ve concluded is that it’s these moms who are my friends. I were really in a clutch, I know I could call one or two of them at 4am and they’d be there.
I’m reaching a point in my life where my inner circle of friends is dwindling a bit. While scary, it’s also reaffirming. It's forcing me to take a long, hard look at the friendships I have and take inventory. Hard as it is to let go of some of these people, whether it's for a month, 6 months, a year or forever, I'm coming to terms with the fact that each and every one of them brought something to my life that I wouldn't have had otherwise. I'm realizing it's OK to let go and it's also OK to move on.
This realization became even clearer to me after I talked to one of them recently. When I hung up the phone, I was exhausted. It seems that every time we speak, the conversation is very one-sided and about her. I don’t remember the last time she asked me what was happening in my life and worse yet, I don’t remember the last time she expresesd the slightest bit of interest in what was happening in my life. Since we live in different parts of the country, we don’t see one another very often and until recently, I’ve chalked it up to the fact that we do live far from one another. It’s not unusual for me to get a call from her when she’s in the midst of a crisis. Acutally, that is pretty much the only time I hear from her. It’s gotten to a point where I just tune her out and say an occasional “uh-huh” or “really?”
I know it’s normal for friendships to grow and change as we get older or as we are going through different phases in our lives. I suspect that is what has happened with us. But, something about our friendship these days is irreversibly different and I am saddened by that because in a way, it’s the end of a chapter. I sense that this difference is the result of my having undergone some personal growth & change, while she's remained herself. I’ve been going through a metamorphosis of sorts and I’m beginning to realize that I’m a completely different person than I was three years ago, when I started my StrollerFit business. The best part? For the first time in my life, I can say that I like who I am and who I’ve become. I'm more confident, out-going, receptive to new things and, in general, feel comfortable in my skin.
I think right now I’m coming to terms with the fact that perhaps she’s not my best friend anymore and that it’s OK not to have a “best” friend all the time. What scares me is that she’s always been my “go-to” person; you know, the person you wouldn’t hesitate to call at 4am in an emergency. Without her, I don’t know if I have that with my other friends. I am sure it’s there, I’ve just never tested it.
This has been weighing heavily on my mind lately and while I was out doing some errands, my mind started wandering. I was thinking about all the women I’ve met through StrollerFit. Some take classes and some don’t. Some are younger than I am and a few are older. Some have one child, some have two or more. Lastly, and perhaps, most importantly, I’ve concluded is that it’s these moms who are my friends. I were really in a clutch, I know I could call one or two of them at 4am and they’d be there.
I’m reaching a point in my life where my inner circle of friends is dwindling a bit. While scary, it’s also reaffirming. It's forcing me to take a long, hard look at the friendships I have and take inventory. Hard as it is to let go of some of these people, whether it's for a month, 6 months, a year or forever, I'm coming to terms with the fact that each and every one of them brought something to my life that I wouldn't have had otherwise. I'm realizing it's OK to let go and it's also OK to move on.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Yesterday was the beginning of a New Year for me. I was raised Jewish, but I don't really practice; I'm more what I jokingly call a "Jew of convenience." So, if & when it suits me, I play along. The rest of the time, well, not so much. Case & point...my parents wanted me to attend services with them and I declined. I had too much going on; a 1/2 marathon in the morning and a birthday party to attend for one my daughter's friends in the afternoon. Attending services isn't my idea of a good time, and so, it wasn't convenient.
So, I get myself to the race and get a good start. I find myself running with a small group of gals who are the pace leaders for the 11 min. milers (me). We chat for a while. At mile 6, I have to pee so bad, I know if I take one more stride the flood gates will open, so I excuse myself hoping that I'll be able to sprint fast enough to catch up to them afterwards, but I know in my heart that it isn't likely to happen. Finished with nature's call, I resume my run and at mile 8, start to have some knee problems. I decide to slow down & walk for a while. This also gives me some time to start thinking about things in my life. There's a line in the movie, "The Mirror Has Two Faces" that says "its a dangerous thing to leave a woman alone with her thoughts." I must admit, there's alot of truth there. My mind wanders from subject to subject while I walk and intermittently try to run the last 5 miles of this race.
I've been in a pretty dark place for a while now, and I think I realized that much of this is due to my placing so much energy into my business. I absolutely LOVE teaching my classes but I have discovered that I probably hold alot of the moms in my group to my level of expectation. I'm pretty sensitive and my feelings get hurt very easily. That is where the problem lies...I'm disappointed and hurt almost all of the time. I harbor this disappointment and then I begin to feel resentful and angry. I wouldn't dare single out someone and tell them that my feelings were hurt by what they said, did, etc. Especially because most of it is so petty. I'm the instructor...I can't show how I really feel! It should make me happy to hear that a few moms got together outside of class on their own to do something, but instead, I feel like I've been excluded, and then my thoughts drift into the "what did I do wrong" and "why don't they like me" genre. I swear, I feel like I'm the nerdy kid at school trying to fit in with the "cool" kids.
If they don't attend class, I also take it personally. I mean, why wouldn't they come for a week? Was the last class too easy or too hard? Did I say or do something to offend or upset someone?
To them, not attending class is not personal. But, to me, it is. You see, it's personal because that's what this business is to me. It's about forming relationships with other moms. It's about helping them help themselves get healthier, get fit, and realize their full potential. The problem is that things change. The kids are getting older, the moms are getting busier and they're starting to leave the group. This frightens me. The thought of not having that social network in my life scares me to death. I got into this business so I wouldn't feel so alone and now, I'm 3+ years into it and I've built a good following and I still feel alone, yet for different reasons.
At mile 12, I have an epiphany. I've decided in this New Year (again, it's convenient) that I need to let go of what I cannot control. I need to remind myself that nothing these moms do insofar as class attendance, doing stuff together outside of class, etc. has anything to do with me (thank you, Don Miguel Ruiz, author of "The Four Agreements."). It is about them.
Perhaps I need to start doing things so I can remain true to myself. I think I've spent so much time & energy focusing on what I think this group should be and what I think this group wants, that I've lost sight of what it is I want the group to be and what it is I want out of things. As I cross the finish, I have to fight back tears; my legs are tired & sore; my heart feels heavy, but I'm still standing. This is my first moment of the new year. I want to make it the best it can be--for me.
So, I get myself to the race and get a good start. I find myself running with a small group of gals who are the pace leaders for the 11 min. milers (me). We chat for a while. At mile 6, I have to pee so bad, I know if I take one more stride the flood gates will open, so I excuse myself hoping that I'll be able to sprint fast enough to catch up to them afterwards, but I know in my heart that it isn't likely to happen. Finished with nature's call, I resume my run and at mile 8, start to have some knee problems. I decide to slow down & walk for a while. This also gives me some time to start thinking about things in my life. There's a line in the movie, "The Mirror Has Two Faces" that says "its a dangerous thing to leave a woman alone with her thoughts." I must admit, there's alot of truth there. My mind wanders from subject to subject while I walk and intermittently try to run the last 5 miles of this race.
I've been in a pretty dark place for a while now, and I think I realized that much of this is due to my placing so much energy into my business. I absolutely LOVE teaching my classes but I have discovered that I probably hold alot of the moms in my group to my level of expectation. I'm pretty sensitive and my feelings get hurt very easily. That is where the problem lies...I'm disappointed and hurt almost all of the time. I harbor this disappointment and then I begin to feel resentful and angry. I wouldn't dare single out someone and tell them that my feelings were hurt by what they said, did, etc. Especially because most of it is so petty. I'm the instructor...I can't show how I really feel! It should make me happy to hear that a few moms got together outside of class on their own to do something, but instead, I feel like I've been excluded, and then my thoughts drift into the "what did I do wrong" and "why don't they like me" genre. I swear, I feel like I'm the nerdy kid at school trying to fit in with the "cool" kids.
If they don't attend class, I also take it personally. I mean, why wouldn't they come for a week? Was the last class too easy or too hard? Did I say or do something to offend or upset someone?
To them, not attending class is not personal. But, to me, it is. You see, it's personal because that's what this business is to me. It's about forming relationships with other moms. It's about helping them help themselves get healthier, get fit, and realize their full potential. The problem is that things change. The kids are getting older, the moms are getting busier and they're starting to leave the group. This frightens me. The thought of not having that social network in my life scares me to death. I got into this business so I wouldn't feel so alone and now, I'm 3+ years into it and I've built a good following and I still feel alone, yet for different reasons.
At mile 12, I have an epiphany. I've decided in this New Year (again, it's convenient) that I need to let go of what I cannot control. I need to remind myself that nothing these moms do insofar as class attendance, doing stuff together outside of class, etc. has anything to do with me (thank you, Don Miguel Ruiz, author of "The Four Agreements."). It is about them.
Perhaps I need to start doing things so I can remain true to myself. I think I've spent so much time & energy focusing on what I think this group should be and what I think this group wants, that I've lost sight of what it is I want the group to be and what it is I want out of things. As I cross the finish, I have to fight back tears; my legs are tired & sore; my heart feels heavy, but I'm still standing. This is my first moment of the new year. I want to make it the best it can be--for me.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Tired Tirade
I'm in a pretty dark place these days. All I want to do is cry or sleep and it takes great effort on my part to do either. I have no energy; yet I have a mile long list of things I need to do. In the grand scheme of things, I have nothing to complain about, which makes me feel even worse. I mean, I have a house, food on the table, my husband & I are working, I have my health, a happy, healthy, beautiful daughter and a family who loves me despite the fact that at this moment in time, I'm not quite myself.
I think alot of how I feel is because I'm just plain tired. I'm the kind of tired that lingers and lingers, making me feel heavy & lazy. I'm tired to the point that I've got nothing left to give...to myself, my daughter, my husband, my friends, family and clients. I'm tired of being the referee, the cheerleader, the team player and the coach. I'm tired of hearing the whining and the crying of my 4 yr. old everytime she hears "no" or "later." I'm tired of being "tireless." I'm tired of fighting the uphill battles of life that permeate into every aspect of my existence and I'm tired of working so hard yet acheiving so little. I am tired of feeling alone, I'm tired of crying myself to sleep every night, I'm tired of getting nothing accomplished and I'm tired of being tired. I am only one person and I am doing my best to not let the little things bother me, but they do, they really do, and it's because I'm tired.
I'm tired of pretending that everything is alright, that I'm happy and that all is well with the world. I'm tired of my daughter constantly asking for Daddy. I'm tired of my husband asking, "what's for dinner?" when he's completely capable of making something. I'm tired of not knowing who is "safe" for me to reach out to? I'm tired of pettiness, change and having to always be the one who makes an effort.
I wish I could hang a sign around my neck that says, "OFF DUTY." How I wish I could just drop out of my life for a few days. I don't even know what I would do-- I am just tired...tired of being me-- a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a friend, a neighbor....take your pick.
I think alot of how I feel is because I'm just plain tired. I'm the kind of tired that lingers and lingers, making me feel heavy & lazy. I'm tired to the point that I've got nothing left to give...to myself, my daughter, my husband, my friends, family and clients. I'm tired of being the referee, the cheerleader, the team player and the coach. I'm tired of hearing the whining and the crying of my 4 yr. old everytime she hears "no" or "later." I'm tired of being "tireless." I'm tired of fighting the uphill battles of life that permeate into every aspect of my existence and I'm tired of working so hard yet acheiving so little. I am tired of feeling alone, I'm tired of crying myself to sleep every night, I'm tired of getting nothing accomplished and I'm tired of being tired. I am only one person and I am doing my best to not let the little things bother me, but they do, they really do, and it's because I'm tired.
I'm tired of pretending that everything is alright, that I'm happy and that all is well with the world. I'm tired of my daughter constantly asking for Daddy. I'm tired of my husband asking, "what's for dinner?" when he's completely capable of making something. I'm tired of not knowing who is "safe" for me to reach out to? I'm tired of pettiness, change and having to always be the one who makes an effort.
I wish I could hang a sign around my neck that says, "OFF DUTY." How I wish I could just drop out of my life for a few days. I don't even know what I would do-- I am just tired...tired of being me-- a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a friend, a neighbor....take your pick.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Songs in the Key of Mommy
It's the night before Macy starts preschool. I am an emotional wreck. I hate to admit it, but I'm going to be that mom who starts bawling when she gets to her car after dropping Macy off tomorrow for her first 2 1/2 hour session of preschool. I mean, what's the big deal, right? I've left her at friends houses for longer than 2 1/2 hours! Why am I so distraught?
I think it's just that I'm facing the reality that I can't keep her as close, you know? I'm going to lose some of my influence now. That scares me. I have always been influenced by the lyrics in certain songs to help pull me through difficult times. Strange as it may sound, though, there aren't any songs I can think of that address this tug on my heart strings.
When I was pregnant, I had a playlist of sorts that I'd listen to over and over again. The songs are those that have special meaning to me. Among the titles are songs like, "Isn't She Lovely" by Stevie Wonder and "In My Daughter's Eyes" by Martina McBride. These two songs, in particular, hold a special place in my heart and I never tire of hearing them. I think of them at times when my daughter, Macy, is being particularly angelic because they remind me to cherish this time I have with her as a toddler. I also find myself thinking of them when she's a handful because these songs ground me. They remind me to give extra hugs & kisses as well as take lots of deep breaths and count to 10, 20 or even 100 on days I don't think I can deal with Macy's 4 year old antics. Case and point: she's on the floor having a temper tantrum as I write this.
We've spent hours in Music Together classes, playing various instruments, singing along to songs, dancing and singing. I always felt rather self-conscious acting so silly with other parents around, but figured, they probably felt the same way. Macy looked forward to her music classes every week and I must admit, my favorite part of each class was the free dance segment. She loved to twirl around and make us both dizzy. I never tire of hearing her giggle and cackle.
Then, there are the songs we sing at StrollerFit. I never realized how much she has picked up over the past 3 years. How I wish I had a copy of the video a friend of a friend took of her during a recent camping trip, leading the other little kids in a "StrollerFit Spectacular" including such hits as, "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" "Twinkle, Twinkle," "The Hokey Pokey" and her personal favorite, "Old McDonald."
I sing to her at night before bedtime. We started out with songs like the Brahm's Lullabye and added things like "Good Night Sweetheart" but the old stand-by is a song I learned as a teenager--"Circle Game" by Joni Mitchell. I've not once heard the Joni Mitchell version of this song, but I sing it to my daughter every night & she will not fall asleep if I don't. It's a special ritual we've established and I treasure it.
I hope that some of the songs she'll sing at preschool will not only be familiar, but also remind her of the time we spent together and will continue spending together as she grows up.
I think it's just that I'm facing the reality that I can't keep her as close, you know? I'm going to lose some of my influence now. That scares me. I have always been influenced by the lyrics in certain songs to help pull me through difficult times. Strange as it may sound, though, there aren't any songs I can think of that address this tug on my heart strings.
When I was pregnant, I had a playlist of sorts that I'd listen to over and over again. The songs are those that have special meaning to me. Among the titles are songs like, "Isn't She Lovely" by Stevie Wonder and "In My Daughter's Eyes" by Martina McBride. These two songs, in particular, hold a special place in my heart and I never tire of hearing them. I think of them at times when my daughter, Macy, is being particularly angelic because they remind me to cherish this time I have with her as a toddler. I also find myself thinking of them when she's a handful because these songs ground me. They remind me to give extra hugs & kisses as well as take lots of deep breaths and count to 10, 20 or even 100 on days I don't think I can deal with Macy's 4 year old antics. Case and point: she's on the floor having a temper tantrum as I write this.
We've spent hours in Music Together classes, playing various instruments, singing along to songs, dancing and singing. I always felt rather self-conscious acting so silly with other parents around, but figured, they probably felt the same way. Macy looked forward to her music classes every week and I must admit, my favorite part of each class was the free dance segment. She loved to twirl around and make us both dizzy. I never tire of hearing her giggle and cackle.
Then, there are the songs we sing at StrollerFit. I never realized how much she has picked up over the past 3 years. How I wish I had a copy of the video a friend of a friend took of her during a recent camping trip, leading the other little kids in a "StrollerFit Spectacular" including such hits as, "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" "Twinkle, Twinkle," "The Hokey Pokey" and her personal favorite, "Old McDonald."
I sing to her at night before bedtime. We started out with songs like the Brahm's Lullabye and added things like "Good Night Sweetheart" but the old stand-by is a song I learned as a teenager--"Circle Game" by Joni Mitchell. I've not once heard the Joni Mitchell version of this song, but I sing it to my daughter every night & she will not fall asleep if I don't. It's a special ritual we've established and I treasure it.
I hope that some of the songs she'll sing at preschool will not only be familiar, but also remind her of the time we spent together and will continue spending together as she grows up.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
I heard a scream this morning at 1:30am. It was the kind of scream that wakens you from a dead sleep and gets your heart pounding so hard and fast that you think it might leap right out of your chest. The scream was coming from my daughter's room. "What is going on with her?" I asked as both my husband & I raced into her room and found her hysterical crying. "My ear hurts. Mommy, will you hold me?" I enveloped her in my arms and sat, rocking, on the edge of her bed hoping she'd be soothed back to sleep, thinking that it was odd for an ear infection to come on so suddenly.
After about 10 minutes, she said, "Mommy? Can you make my ear feel better?" My heart sank. "Macy, sweetie, we have to go to see the doctor so we can get some medicine and then your ear will feel better." She responded, "I want Daddy." I guess she thought my husband might have a special trick up his sleeve to alleviate her discomfort. So, I carried her into our room, and laid down with her between us, where we all kind of dozed in & out until 6:30 when the alarm clock rang and my husband got up to get ready for work. As any parent of a toddler knows, it's a challenge to get restful sleep when the toddler overtakes the bed, regardless of how big it is. I got punched in the eye, kicked in the stomach, and head-butted, all the while cuddling my daughter close to me, hoping that I was offering her some type of comfort until I could call the pediatrician's office when they opened. Sure enough, at 8:01am, I called for an emergency appointment. Lo and behold there was one available.
I show up at the pediatrician's office and very efficiently, they get us into a room. The doctor comes in, looks at Macy's ear and says, "Well, it's not infected, but it looks as though a blood vessel ruptured near her eardrum and that is why it's so painful. It'll heal on it's own in a couple of days, so all you need to do is manage her pain with Tylenol.
I breathed a sigh of relief although in the back of my mind I was thinking to myself that a ruptured blood vessel sounds worse than an ear infection. Oh well; all that matters is that she's OK.
After about 10 minutes, she said, "Mommy? Can you make my ear feel better?" My heart sank. "Macy, sweetie, we have to go to see the doctor so we can get some medicine and then your ear will feel better." She responded, "I want Daddy." I guess she thought my husband might have a special trick up his sleeve to alleviate her discomfort. So, I carried her into our room, and laid down with her between us, where we all kind of dozed in & out until 6:30 when the alarm clock rang and my husband got up to get ready for work. As any parent of a toddler knows, it's a challenge to get restful sleep when the toddler overtakes the bed, regardless of how big it is. I got punched in the eye, kicked in the stomach, and head-butted, all the while cuddling my daughter close to me, hoping that I was offering her some type of comfort until I could call the pediatrician's office when they opened. Sure enough, at 8:01am, I called for an emergency appointment. Lo and behold there was one available.
I show up at the pediatrician's office and very efficiently, they get us into a room. The doctor comes in, looks at Macy's ear and says, "Well, it's not infected, but it looks as though a blood vessel ruptured near her eardrum and that is why it's so painful. It'll heal on it's own in a couple of days, so all you need to do is manage her pain with Tylenol.
I breathed a sigh of relief although in the back of my mind I was thinking to myself that a ruptured blood vessel sounds worse than an ear infection. Oh well; all that matters is that she's OK.
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